Late. Really late, but I've been late before. So, not really a shock. But wait...surprise...I'm pregnant! Excitement. Joy. Happiness. Could this be it? Is this really happening?! Take another. Pregnant {again}! Pure bliss. Delight. Love. Rushed by a wave of disbelief. Uncertainty. Immense doubt. This has happened before. Now what? The obvious: make a doctor's appointment.
That first Obygyn appointment was rough. I had had a scare that weekend before, and was sure my fears had come true. I came in to that appointment with a doubtful, bad attitude, and really didn't like the nurses and staff congratulating me because I haven't seen the physician yet to get answers. When I saw her I turned into nurse mode: what's my HCG? Why was I bleeding? She asks, "What symptoms do you have?" Nausea, dizziness, and fatigue. "Yeah, that's what happens when you're 8 weeks pregnant! You're HCG is 7,800. The spotting you had was most likely implantation spotting." I don't mean to be rude, but I've been pregnant before - I need more proof than that. "Okay. We can do that - let's do an ultrasound." She sets me up, and of course, I'm tense. To make it worse, the baby is nowhere to be found! Typical, I have a child just as difficult as me. After a few minutes and after the physician asked me to relax, I was introduced to the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. A heartbeat. I listen to heartbeats all the time, everyday at work. I know what regular heartbeats sound, and irregular heartbeats sound like. No matter what the sound, one thing is for sure ~ it is a extraordinary representation of life. Then, and only then I believed...I'm pregnant. That most amazing sound of my baby's heartbeat melted my heart. I've never experienced a moment like this. I was filled with God's love. I laughed. I cried. I was speechless {for once}. A miracle.
{taken from First Covers.com}
I had come to believe that it would take years to conceive, and reserved in my mind that adoption was the only way I would be a mom. In my mind I was getting "old", and laughed at the thought of having a baby anytime soon. I had failed twice, and my odds were against me. I allowed all those negative thoughts to encompass me. I somehow had forgotten the dreams my husband had that we'd be parents, the prophecies that myself and other people in my family have received about the promise of a child. Then I remembered the story of Sarah:
The visitors visited Abraham, and asked, "Where is your wife?" He replies,
"She is in the tent." And one of them said, "I will return to you about this time
next year and she will have a child." Sarah overhead the conversation, laughed to
herself, and thought of all the impossibilities that faced her "if " she was to be with
child. Then the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she say,
'Can an old woman like me be with child?' Is there anything too hard for the Lord?
I will return next year, and Sarah will have a son." Genesis 18:9-15 {paraphrased}
The Lord kept His promise. Sarah had a son even in Abraham's old age of 100 years
old. She gave birth to a son named Isaac. And she declared, "The Lord heard my
laughter. All who hear this will laugh with me!" Genesis 21:1-7 {paraphrased}
Why do we laugh when God gives us a promise? Is it that we are so full of doubt that it is too hard to fathom that He could actually come through for us? Is it that we are look at our physical circumstance and think how could God turn it around? Where is our faith? Where is our hope? Where is our trust in God? Have we forgotten that God is mighty in our weakness, stronger in our infirmities, greater in our struggles, and NOTHING is too big for Him! God does His best work in these situations. If it were perfectly easy for Him how would we have known He came through for us? Would we even see it? Would we even appreciate it? If it were easy, would we even put our trust in Him? My guess is - probably not. We are human; we think we "can do it"! Heck, Nike tells us we can! We read postings on Facebook to channel your inner "beast mode" and trust in yourself to get whatever job done. I know personally because I subscribe to them. The different is the that we need to have trust in God FIRST, and with His guidance we can channel our inner warrior beast mode, that inner spirit that encourages you to "just do it", and have faith that moves mountains! So, why don't we use that in our daily lives? We as Believers, including myself need to get rid of that stinkin' thinkin' - that we can do it all by ourselves! Have we not learned that things are so much harder on our own?
So, I am now in my second trimester, and I've reached a milestone in my life. I am so blessed to be where I am right now, and the glory goes to God. Going through the first process of this pregnancy has been a struggle, and I equate it to growing in Christ and losing weight {the healthy way}. I've been a Believer all of my life, and have gone through this process several times. However, from August of last year when I decided it was time for to give my life to God to becoming mother that took everything from me. As most of you know I have had two miscarriages since then. I struggled a lot during that time while working full-time, going to school full-time, my husband had a sports injury that put him out of work for 3 months {first miscarriage}, my father was in the hospital {second miscarriage}, and I was accused of cheating in college that required I attend school court hearings. I did, however, graduate in May with my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing - all while battling with depression, weight gain, financial issues, a spiritual low, and had little to no support from people who I thought would were close to me.
Over the summer after I graduated, I decided I need a transformation in my spiritual and physical life. Like I said, I dealt with weight gain - I was eating like a maniac without regard to what I was putting in my mouth. In much the same way with my depression - putting toxic things in my heart and mind without regards to what it was doing to my spirit. When I decided to put a stop to those toxic things and go on a purge is when I started seeing results. I started using Advocare, did the 30 day Challenge, and trusted God to help me with my weight. That process taught me to eat clean while cleansing & building muscle. My workouts were more effective because I was changing my eating habits. I also started becoming more faithful in church, reading my Bible, and praying more. Then later this summer, a year from when I first told God "I" was ready to be a mom - I found out I was pregnant. This pregnancy has been full of morning sickness, headaches, cramping, skin changes, a few aches, pains, but all of it is to prepare me to becoming a mom.
To get to my point about pregnancy is similar to growing in Christ and transforming your physical body, all three REQUIRE a process of growing pains, purging, and transformation. From a spiritual standpoint, you give your life to God allowing Him to transform you into what He wants you to be. As a new Believer you have no idea what you're doing. You go buy a book called the Bible, you teach yourself to start trying to put trust in someone you cannot see, you learn how to put your problems in His hands, and you ask Him to change you to be a better person. You ask Him to rid yourself of you, and to become more like Him. From a physical training aspect, you purge yourself from toxic things in order to get the {healthy} results you're looking for. You look into different ways to train your body, different ways to cook from eating clean, eating paleo, or eating organic. You work hard with each meal and each workout session to transform your body into what you want it to be. Furthermore, from a pregnancy perspective, you go buy a book, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" because you have no idea what your body is doing. Your body is finicky of what it wants, and if it doesn't settle well - it will purge it out. You have this wave of elevated hormones that you wake up purging everything you have in it. You give up certain foods or certain foods give up on you! You learn to welcome a new process of your body's changes as it starts stretching, and transforming to make room for the life you have inside of you.
During the low of the first miscarriage God specifically told me to put my trust in Him, and that He wanted to spend more time with me. I said, "yes", but my actions said otherwise. I went through the holidays and thought the depressed feelings would go away. They didn't. With each incident that occurred, my depression got worse, God's voice got stronger, and I got weaker. There was no other solution, but to look up! He had been there with me the whole time, but I chose to do things my way. Not my brightest moment. I often wonder would things have been differently if I had listen sooner? Why didn't I just do it His way? Would I be as grateful and thankful if I had listened to God the first time? Why am I so stubborn?
How about you...do you hear God's voice telling you something specific about where you are right now? Or are you doing things your way? Have you laughed at God and His promise to you? Are you overwhelmed with your physical circumstance that you see no way for God to help you? Are you in need of a transformation in your life? I urge you to listen to that still small voice that is telling you, "I'm here. I've always been here with you. Nothing is too big for Me. My yolk is easy and my burden is light - let Me carry you. Let Me carry your child, your finances, your husband, your disease, your work, your dreams for your family. You are my Beloved." Trust in Him. He is waiting for you, and He has great plans in store for you {Jeremiah 29:11}. ♥
{taken from Alifetimeofwisdom.com}
